Embrace the Darkness Within

Asta a fost mereu un fel de..hai,nu kiar tic verbal, dar nici motto. O chestie acolo, un pricipiu care ma ghideaza bla-bla. Sau, to put it more plainly, "accepta-te asa cum esti", cu bune, cu rele, cu ciudatenii, nu te schimba de dragul prostilor, sau ca asa spune lumea, ci evident numai daca ai tu de castigat din treaba asta si pe termen scurt.

Eu de exemplu tocmai am avut revelatia ca sunt un pic (mai mult) bipolara, sau am temperament maniaco-depresiv, in alte cuvinte. Na, mereu am stiut eu ca sunt nebuna! :)) now i happen to know exactly how. Desigur, ma deranjeaza un pic faza cu "labels", dar na.. Si de cat timp ma kinuiam eu sa imi formulez o "definitie"( eu, katia, sunt un biped humanoid cu un iq iesit din comun, ..etc...) despre myself, sa imi conturez niste..contururi, hai sa nu zic limite, gardulete imprejmuitoare, niste d-alea acolo, sa nu ma mai simt ca o amiba gelatinoasa care se flescaie peste tot. Si uite ca i got my wish. Dar hai sa-mi sprijin afirmatiile cu niste random information:

Acu ceva timp, cativa ani, cand eram in plin avant de..ceva, un prieten cu care se intampla sa impart apartamentul jegos cu kirie modesta si pe deasupra mai era si psiholog, dupa ce m-a ascultat for several months aberand pe la tigara, in bucatarie, mi-a zis ca manifest simptome maniaco-depresive. Ceea ce mi s-a parut foarte misto atunci (si acuma). Si cum lately am tot felul de probleme existentiale, precum si o gramada de kestii de facut, deci mi-e o lene de mor...am tot citit shit. Asa, sa-mi omor timpu. Si uite ca gasesc eu pe buna si batrana wikipedia, de exemplu:

Bipolar disorder is not a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood, clinically referred to as mania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes which present with features of both mania and depression. These episodes are normally separated by periods of normal mood, but in some patients, depression and mania may rapidly alternate. (asta asa, ca introducere)

Trecand peste simptome si descrieri amanuntite, am gasit si cateva chestii super tari:

Some studies have suggested a significant correlation between creativity and bipolar disorder. However, the relationship between the disorder and creativity is still very unclear. One study indicated increased striving for, and sometimes attaining, goals and achievements. While the disorder affects people differently, individuals with bipolar disorder tend to be much more outgoing and daring than individuals without bipolar disorder. The disorder is also found in a large number of people involved in the arts. It is an ongoing study as to why many creative geniuses had bipolar disorder. ( :)) no wonder!!, acum inteleg tot! sau..nebunia si creativitatea merg mana in mana!! tata avea dreptate all along "mai bine prost si sanatos, decat destept si nebun". Sau, desigur, asta e o conspiratie a oamenilor prosti, plati, banali, seci, lasi, complexati de ordinarul lor propriu si personal, de a submina/suprima/inhiba pa aia superiori lor din orice punct de vedere...Da, ba, nebuni sunteti voi. )

People with bipolar disorder may feel they have been "chosen", or are "on a special mission", which are considered grandiose or delusional ideas. (Bullshit, eu tot sunt Antichristul a.k.a. molusca fara cauza si scop. Si i am special si chosen sa..whatever, inca incerc sa imi dau seama ce anume. Dar sunt. Pe cuvant. Uite, ce spuneam de conspiratie. Mama dracu, inseamna ca nenea Christos era maniac rau, bipolar pana-n maduva oaselor. Adik daca apare al doilea Mesia, sa ne salveze sufletele pacatoase si putrede, sa faca lumea un loc mai bun,etc. , o sa-l trimitem direct la balamuc?? Misto.)

Often bipolar individuals are subject to self-medication, the most common drugs being alcohol and marijuana. Studies show that tobacco smoking induces a calming effect on most bipolar people, and a very high percentage suffering from the disorder smoke. ( excuse me while i laugh my head off....gata. acu ce pot eu sa mai zic? :D se mai simte cineva cu musca pe caciula?? Hai, ba, recunoasteti, 'ra-ti ai dracu de depravati bipolari! )

Si acum, in incheiere : Ma numesc Katia, sunt maniaco-depresiva and damn proud of it! :D

Note:
* din moment ce sunt nebuna, am dreptul sa folosesc acest termen("nebun") otherwise injurios, la fel cum numai African-Americans au dreptul sa reffer to an individual of that particular ethnic/rasial background as "n****r", sau a gay male reffering to another gay male as "f*g".
**ca sa raspund la intrebarea cuiva :"poti sa mori din asta?" : Daca te sinucizi, da.
***deci, da, embrace the darkness within, fie ca stii ce nume sa-i dai, fie ca nu.